First Day

Well my dear friend Ana is back with a vengeance   I went clothes shopping today and burst into tears and how fat I am.  I know I'm a size eight, and logically I shouldn't feel fat.  But all I can see when I look in the mirror is fat, lumpy thighs; a stomach that folds and makes me look obese; chubby arms that poke out of my shirts like unappealing chicken drumsticks; and a complete lack of cheek bone or collar bone.

So I'm back to restricting again.  To be perfectly honest, I've been following a destructive cycle of restriction, binging, purging, self-hatred, a brief respite where I exercise massively, and then it's all repeated.  I'd been keeping track of this on another blog, but it was linked too closely with my name.  So this is my new blog for the sake of anonymity.

I shall try to post what I eat daily.  I'm trying my best not to count calories as it makes me obsessive faster and then I go through the cycle quicker.  I desperately need to lose all this weight though before my summer ball.  I can think of nothing worse than being squeezed into my dress like a sausage.

Today I ate:
B: coffee + milk
L: costa caramel latte
E: 2hrs walking with my mum
D: sweetcorn, mixed veg, one yorkshire pudding, two slices of lamb.

I'm back home with my parents tomorrow, so I've arranged to go to the gym in the morning with my brother tomorrow, and then swimming in the afternoon.  That should kick start something hopefully. Also, exercising with another person means I'll push myself far harder.